This week was definitively one of the best I've had at camp so far. The girls in my riding group were fantastic... skilled riders, quick learners and great attitudes. They were a joy to teach and I learned a lot from them as well--ideas on how to teach better, ways to consider why horses do what they do, things to consider about myself and the way I view other people. And we bonded, too... they were attached to me by the end of the week and thoroughly convinced that I rocked. What a morale boost! I really loved this Jr. High-aged group because it reminded me of when I was a camper--full of the same love for horses and zest for life, but also tempered by a readiness to learn new concepts at a deeper level as well as the problems and self-doubt that affects so many girls at that age. It was like seeing a snapshot of myself at that age and seeing how I've grown since then. This is truly a crucial point of development for these girls, and I am thrilled to have an impact on their lives, even if it's only for a week.
We performed the drill for the first time since Family Camp and it went awesomely, no accidents except for a near-collision between a couple of the other horses. All of our horses seem to have the pattern memorized, which is nice... except mine (Einer) just doesn't get excited for it anymore, which means I have to do a lot to keep him up to speed and not let him get lazy. Still, it's a lot of fun and I enjoy doing it.
Yesterday I took my younger sister and our friend to see Wall-E at the theater. It was really good and INCREDIBLY cute... Pixar always manages to turn out good films and this was no exception (it helped that it totally appealed to my "romantic sap" side). I'm definitely picking up a copy once it comes out on DVD. It did push the "don't pollute our planet or else it will become a giant uninhabitable dump" message, but it was more of a background thing--a setting more than a central theme--which was really nice. The robots' personalities were totally believable and I loved the little twist at the end where Wall-E "dies" and Eve has to save him. The credits were adorable, too. Overall, a great story and I loved it.
My etude is still dragging along... I am going to see if I can beg for more practice time this next week. I basically didn't practice all of last week, and I need to do something about it while I still have a chance at memorizing it in time. The last couple of pages are still really rough and need a lot of work, so I'm hoping that I can address that this week.
Not sure if I will be able to update next weekend, as I may be either going up to Seattle and seeing Pike Place Market for the first time, or visiting my friend who will be coming home from WSU for the weekend. Should be fun no matter what!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Diary of a Wrangler: Week 4
Hard to believe that I have been at camp for a whole month now. It feels like a long time, but at the same time--it doesn't. There's just one day after another after another, and right now--in the middle of it all--I'm just kind of suspended and can't see the beginning or the end of it.
The Seasoned SALTs left this morning after staying for three and a half weeks. They were all emotional and didn't want to go home. I remember being like that a couple of years ago when I was in their position, just wanting to stay for the entire summer where I knew I was safe and happy and pouring myself into God's work. At this point, most of the summer staff has also been at camp for about as long as the SALTs were--four weeks to their three and a half--but at the ranch, there's still six more weeks of campers and then Labor Day Family Camp. Three and a half weeks sounds like a long time to be at camp, but it's really just a small fraction compared to those of us who are staying through the end of August. I'm just starting to realize how long that really is--but I wish I could have the burning desire to be here that the SALTs did. Isn't it funny how that works? They can't stay longer but wish they could, even though they get paid a ridiculously small amount of money for the work they do, and I have to stay but don't have the appreciation for that fact that I probably should. I know I'm blessed to have the opportunity to work at camp this summer, but it's easy to get weighed down by all the little hardships and overlook the big picture.
This week was really difficult for me, but not because of the Discovery (4-6th graders) kids. The weather turned hot again after the cloudiness of Family Camp, I burned (again.... despite my 60 SPF sunscreen), and the heat didn't help... but mostly I was cranky and sullen because I felt alone, still, and unsupported and miserable. I actually talked to several people about it out of sheer frustration for having to deal with negative emotions (my tendency is to wallow for a little while and then make efforts to pull myself out of it in whatever way possible)... but didn't really feel any better until a few nights ago when I talked to Amp, our program director at the Ranch, for a little heart-to-heart about the situation. She ended up praying with me and talking about things I needed to do to help myself, as well as possibly using my experience with this to lead a morning devotional about staff unity--since that is what seems to be lacking among us. The next day turned out to be the best one of the week attitude-wise for me. I felt ten times better and way more cheerful than I had been since before Family Camp. Since that day it's been a bit of a roller coaster, but overall I am doing better. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to do the devotional, but I'm definitely going to do a lot of thinking about it and defining for myself what unity should look like.
My riding group was pretty good this week. I had the three boys that came to camp, but they behaved pretty well. They were all good kids, really... some vivacious, some quiet and withdrawn, some timid, some distracted, some bold. Next week are the Junior High girls... 7-9th graders. I'm looking forward to them, because you can usually do more advanced riding stuff with the older kids, rather than just walking and trotting all week. The staff also take on much more of a 'role model' position and have to be even more responsible than ever--kids are watching and observing and looking up to us, and we have to uphold that Christlike behavior always.
I should go to bed and sleep while I can. The weekends are never long enough...
The Seasoned SALTs left this morning after staying for three and a half weeks. They were all emotional and didn't want to go home. I remember being like that a couple of years ago when I was in their position, just wanting to stay for the entire summer where I knew I was safe and happy and pouring myself into God's work. At this point, most of the summer staff has also been at camp for about as long as the SALTs were--four weeks to their three and a half--but at the ranch, there's still six more weeks of campers and then Labor Day Family Camp. Three and a half weeks sounds like a long time to be at camp, but it's really just a small fraction compared to those of us who are staying through the end of August. I'm just starting to realize how long that really is--but I wish I could have the burning desire to be here that the SALTs did. Isn't it funny how that works? They can't stay longer but wish they could, even though they get paid a ridiculously small amount of money for the work they do, and I have to stay but don't have the appreciation for that fact that I probably should. I know I'm blessed to have the opportunity to work at camp this summer, but it's easy to get weighed down by all the little hardships and overlook the big picture.
This week was really difficult for me, but not because of the Discovery (4-6th graders) kids. The weather turned hot again after the cloudiness of Family Camp, I burned (again.... despite my 60 SPF sunscreen), and the heat didn't help... but mostly I was cranky and sullen because I felt alone, still, and unsupported and miserable. I actually talked to several people about it out of sheer frustration for having to deal with negative emotions (my tendency is to wallow for a little while and then make efforts to pull myself out of it in whatever way possible)... but didn't really feel any better until a few nights ago when I talked to Amp, our program director at the Ranch, for a little heart-to-heart about the situation. She ended up praying with me and talking about things I needed to do to help myself, as well as possibly using my experience with this to lead a morning devotional about staff unity--since that is what seems to be lacking among us. The next day turned out to be the best one of the week attitude-wise for me. I felt ten times better and way more cheerful than I had been since before Family Camp. Since that day it's been a bit of a roller coaster, but overall I am doing better. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to do the devotional, but I'm definitely going to do a lot of thinking about it and defining for myself what unity should look like.
My riding group was pretty good this week. I had the three boys that came to camp, but they behaved pretty well. They were all good kids, really... some vivacious, some quiet and withdrawn, some timid, some distracted, some bold. Next week are the Junior High girls... 7-9th graders. I'm looking forward to them, because you can usually do more advanced riding stuff with the older kids, rather than just walking and trotting all week. The staff also take on much more of a 'role model' position and have to be even more responsible than ever--kids are watching and observing and looking up to us, and we have to uphold that Christlike behavior always.
I should go to bed and sleep while I can. The weekends are never long enough...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Diary of a Wrangler: Week 3
Back again, safe and sound... more or less. This week was different than most of the summer for a couple of important reasons, both of which will be covered here. We came back at the usual time on Sunday afternoon and spent the day cleaning up camp in preparation for the Independence Day Family Camp that happens every year. The wranglers specifically worked on cleaning the Belgian (draft horse, those really big ones) harnesses and washing the barn and ranch truck. We had the evening off and slept in a bit the next day, which was.... staff day!
Everyone packed up their swimsuits and headed out to Lawrence Lake, which is close to camp and Yelm. It was really really nice just to have an entire day to sit around in the sun and play in the water (which was much cleaner than the lake that's on camp property). I even went inner tubing behind one of the boats that they had out there.... which was pretty much AWESOME. I also got a nice burn on my back and a little tiny bit on the backs of my legs. They are still shamefully pale. *sigh* oh well.
After that we headed into Yelm and a group of us (about 22) stopped at Safeway to buy food for the camping trip to Mt. Rainier we had planned (because we had all of Tuesday off, too). It worked out so that each of us only had to contribute $20 to cover all our expenses... then we headed up to the mountain (carpooling) and went through the Nisqually entrance to our campground at Ohanapecosh. It was GORGEOUS there and I took a million pictures, none of which I will be able to upload for a week because I left my camera at camp.... bleh. But it was really neat to see the river and hang out with a bunch of camp staff.
The next morning we had cereal for breakfast, packed everything up, and drove up to the Paradise visitor center to meet a couple of other staffers who hadn't wanted to camp, and hiked up toward Alta Vista and Pebble Creek trails. There was 11 feet of snow on the ground but it was really warm out, which was a bit weird for me but awesome at the same time. We were out there from noon until about 4:30, when we got back to the visitor center (almost sliding down the hill most of the way, it was so steep) and cooled our heels for a half hour or so. Then we piled back into the cars and headed off the mountain to Tumwater (near Yelm) and all had dinner at a pizza place.... then headed back to camp again. It was AMAZING to be out there and I was really thankful for the chance, since my family is not big on camping and I don't know a lot of people who actually plan to just head out to go camping on weekends. It really made me want to go out to Mt. Baker this winter when I'm back up in Bellingham.... anyone have space for me to come with?? :)
It was back to the usual(ish) routine on Wednesday, when Family Camp started. We wranglers did meet and greet on horseback along the road as people drove in, which they seemed to appreciate. Later in the evening we hooked the Belgians up to the hay wagon and gave hayrides, which fortunately ended just as a thunderstorm started up... and continued strong into the night and a bit the next morning. It turned out to be cloudy from that point on, which was fine by me. It wasn't that cold, just t-shirt weather and occasionally sprinkled a bit--which is perfect when you're wearing long pants and boots all day. Our routine at the ranch consisted of sending out 7 trail rides per day (thursday through saturday) and participating in the various evening activities. I like the family camp schedule a lot, actually--trail rides don't require a lot of forethought, just safety consciousness and a good idea of how to stay on schedule and still give the guests a good ride. I rode my wrangler horse, Tye, for most of my rides. He's turning out to be a great trail horse... and also my snuggle buddy. Talk about a soft (kissable :-p) nose! I will endeavor to get his picture on Facebook ASAP...
On the 4th there was a fireworks show, which was good if a little on the short side. No one got any limbs blown off (always a plus).
Then last night was the parade and Western Show, aka our big choreographed performance of the drill--freshly re-learned with Chase (last year's ranch hand) as our 8th rider (we'd learned it with just 7 people before, so this changed up some people's positions). We practiced it three or four times in the days leading up to the drill, but I was especially nervous because the day before, I had collided with Chase during one of our run-throughs. She got off with just a bruised chin, but my ankle got smashed against the saddle and side of my horse and hurt like crazy for the rest of the day. It ended up swelling a bit and now I have a good bruise there. Then, of course, later that afternoon Sequoia (another one of our horses at camp) stepped on the same foot... so my toes are nice and black . That swelled up too, once I took my boot off. So anyway, the drill was yesterday and we were all really nervous going into it. There were around 500 people standing around the arena waiting to watch this thing, the horses were all keyed up, it was getting dark out (it was about 9 pm) and we all had adrenaline surging through us. We prayed together really fast beforehand and that helped us all feel a little better--then it was pretty much right into the routine. Indy (the ranch manager) had set up the Family Camp drill so that our entrance to the ring was choreographed to the music. The first four entered at every eight beats (we used part of the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack), then a break, then the next four entered, and then we got into position and started the drill.
It turned out FANTASTICALLY. I don't know if I will be able to get a video of it, but I saw a recording and we looked so good. Nobody collided, and pretty much the worst thing that happened was that my horse Einer decided to pop up a couple of large bucks in the middle. What a rush... and I was so proud that I am finally able to do this thing that I'd always admired when I was a camper. One of the coolest parts was that Einer pretty much knows the drill now, too. Horses are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for, and some in particular are really bright. He wasn't very keyed up at all for the drill, which surprised me a bit--but he also anticipated a lot of the moves and seemed to know better when I tried to get him to move more at points. There is a part where four of us ride up along the side of the arena and, when Indy blows her whistle, rollback (turn around really fast) and canter (like a gallop but slower) in the opposite direction. It's most dramatic if you do almost a sliding stop, whip your horse around and kind of "pop" out of the turn into a canter in the other direction, but Einer now turns into the rail before Indy even whistles and is already heading in the other direction by the time she does. There were a few other times where I realized I wasn't really steering him that much and he was just doing the moves on his own. Like, "No big deal, man. I got this down." Like I said, awesome.
So the drill was a huge success... the family campers shipped out this morning and we spent the rest of the day cleaning up the lodges and cabins in their wake. Cue Ball (Emily--another wrangler) and I went into Lacey in the afternoon to do some shopping at Target... ended up getting slightly lost because I've never actually been to Lacey before, but fortunately she called a friend who went to Google and gave us directions. Then we came back for dinner and I packed up my stuff and came home.
Tomorrow we get a new group of regular horse campers--the "Discovery" kids, which are 4-6th graders. They are inevitably tiny and really too small to control most of the horses, but we teach them anyway and hope for the best. I'm going to have to figure out how to work their attention spans so that they aren't all bored to tears during barn classes. We also have to do a little more work in preparing the horses for them, because they don't always groom and saddle in the mornings like the Middlers last week did--partly because they are just little kids, but also because they are pretty slow with getting stuff done. We also are getting another batch of SALTs, which will overlap a week with the seasoned SALTs that we have right now. My little sister (her camp name is Kashi, like the cereal) will be a SALT at the ranch, too. I'm excited to have her out there with me at the same time... but it will be interesting to see if she remembers to call me by my camp name (Ariat).
Mentally, ever since Wednesday I've been feeling pretty down. I'm not sure if it's just the weather (I am reasonably sure I have a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder and get depressed every time it gets cloudy) or moodiness about being around the other staff. For a long time when I was younger, I was a pretty shy, withdrawn kind of person and didn't try very hard to integrate myself with groups--so half the time when I SALTed at camp, I felt shut out of the group and not really included. Cry me a river, I know. Still... Camp was a second home to me, but feeling invisible a lot of the time didn't help my general self esteem. All that changed once I started school, where all of a sudden I really was part of a cohesive group of people who barely knew me, but shared my passions and wanted me to be with them. That was largely responsible for bringing me out of my shell, and according to my sister I'm now a much more bubbly person because of it.
But now I'm back at camp again, and the old insecurities are creeping back as I'm no longer in my music element and most people form little groups... without me. Yeah, some of that is just paranoia and probably not doing as much as I could to include myself. But it's nice to feel valued, which often I... don't, here. I mean, I do my job, pick up the slack for people, pitch in and help out when it's needed. But I'm not feeling the community like I think I should be. I'm just doing a job, and that's not what camp is all about. What's happening? Am I really just not that fun to be around? Hm.
Sorry to whinefest at you guys. I don't want pity, just some kind of reassurance that I'm not actually a terrible person. You know?
Mmmmkay. Enough publicly feeling sorry for myself. Time to go do some piano practice.
Or maybe art. or... some other kind of staying-up-past-my-bedtime-just-because-I-get-to-sleep-past-7-tomorrow activity.
Everyone packed up their swimsuits and headed out to Lawrence Lake, which is close to camp and Yelm. It was really really nice just to have an entire day to sit around in the sun and play in the water (which was much cleaner than the lake that's on camp property). I even went inner tubing behind one of the boats that they had out there.... which was pretty much AWESOME. I also got a nice burn on my back and a little tiny bit on the backs of my legs. They are still shamefully pale. *sigh* oh well.
After that we headed into Yelm and a group of us (about 22) stopped at Safeway to buy food for the camping trip to Mt. Rainier we had planned (because we had all of Tuesday off, too). It worked out so that each of us only had to contribute $20 to cover all our expenses... then we headed up to the mountain (carpooling) and went through the Nisqually entrance to our campground at Ohanapecosh. It was GORGEOUS there and I took a million pictures, none of which I will be able to upload for a week because I left my camera at camp.... bleh. But it was really neat to see the river and hang out with a bunch of camp staff.
The next morning we had cereal for breakfast, packed everything up, and drove up to the Paradise visitor center to meet a couple of other staffers who hadn't wanted to camp, and hiked up toward Alta Vista and Pebble Creek trails. There was 11 feet of snow on the ground but it was really warm out, which was a bit weird for me but awesome at the same time. We were out there from noon until about 4:30, when we got back to the visitor center (almost sliding down the hill most of the way, it was so steep) and cooled our heels for a half hour or so. Then we piled back into the cars and headed off the mountain to Tumwater (near Yelm) and all had dinner at a pizza place.... then headed back to camp again. It was AMAZING to be out there and I was really thankful for the chance, since my family is not big on camping and I don't know a lot of people who actually plan to just head out to go camping on weekends. It really made me want to go out to Mt. Baker this winter when I'm back up in Bellingham.... anyone have space for me to come with?? :)
It was back to the usual(ish) routine on Wednesday, when Family Camp started. We wranglers did meet and greet on horseback along the road as people drove in, which they seemed to appreciate. Later in the evening we hooked the Belgians up to the hay wagon and gave hayrides, which fortunately ended just as a thunderstorm started up... and continued strong into the night and a bit the next morning. It turned out to be cloudy from that point on, which was fine by me. It wasn't that cold, just t-shirt weather and occasionally sprinkled a bit--which is perfect when you're wearing long pants and boots all day. Our routine at the ranch consisted of sending out 7 trail rides per day (thursday through saturday) and participating in the various evening activities. I like the family camp schedule a lot, actually--trail rides don't require a lot of forethought, just safety consciousness and a good idea of how to stay on schedule and still give the guests a good ride. I rode my wrangler horse, Tye, for most of my rides. He's turning out to be a great trail horse... and also my snuggle buddy. Talk about a soft (kissable :-p) nose! I will endeavor to get his picture on Facebook ASAP...
On the 4th there was a fireworks show, which was good if a little on the short side. No one got any limbs blown off (always a plus).
Then last night was the parade and Western Show, aka our big choreographed performance of the drill--freshly re-learned with Chase (last year's ranch hand) as our 8th rider (we'd learned it with just 7 people before, so this changed up some people's positions). We practiced it three or four times in the days leading up to the drill, but I was especially nervous because the day before, I had collided with Chase during one of our run-throughs. She got off with just a bruised chin, but my ankle got smashed against the saddle and side of my horse and hurt like crazy for the rest of the day. It ended up swelling a bit and now I have a good bruise there. Then, of course, later that afternoon Sequoia (another one of our horses at camp) stepped on the same foot... so my toes are nice and black . That swelled up too, once I took my boot off. So anyway, the drill was yesterday and we were all really nervous going into it. There were around 500 people standing around the arena waiting to watch this thing, the horses were all keyed up, it was getting dark out (it was about 9 pm) and we all had adrenaline surging through us. We prayed together really fast beforehand and that helped us all feel a little better--then it was pretty much right into the routine. Indy (the ranch manager) had set up the Family Camp drill so that our entrance to the ring was choreographed to the music. The first four entered at every eight beats (we used part of the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack), then a break, then the next four entered, and then we got into position and started the drill.
It turned out FANTASTICALLY. I don't know if I will be able to get a video of it, but I saw a recording and we looked so good. Nobody collided, and pretty much the worst thing that happened was that my horse Einer decided to pop up a couple of large bucks in the middle. What a rush... and I was so proud that I am finally able to do this thing that I'd always admired when I was a camper. One of the coolest parts was that Einer pretty much knows the drill now, too. Horses are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for, and some in particular are really bright. He wasn't very keyed up at all for the drill, which surprised me a bit--but he also anticipated a lot of the moves and seemed to know better when I tried to get him to move more at points. There is a part where four of us ride up along the side of the arena and, when Indy blows her whistle, rollback (turn around really fast) and canter (like a gallop but slower) in the opposite direction. It's most dramatic if you do almost a sliding stop, whip your horse around and kind of "pop" out of the turn into a canter in the other direction, but Einer now turns into the rail before Indy even whistles and is already heading in the other direction by the time she does. There were a few other times where I realized I wasn't really steering him that much and he was just doing the moves on his own. Like, "No big deal, man. I got this down." Like I said, awesome.
So the drill was a huge success... the family campers shipped out this morning and we spent the rest of the day cleaning up the lodges and cabins in their wake. Cue Ball (Emily--another wrangler) and I went into Lacey in the afternoon to do some shopping at Target... ended up getting slightly lost because I've never actually been to Lacey before, but fortunately she called a friend who went to Google and gave us directions. Then we came back for dinner and I packed up my stuff and came home.
Tomorrow we get a new group of regular horse campers--the "Discovery" kids, which are 4-6th graders. They are inevitably tiny and really too small to control most of the horses, but we teach them anyway and hope for the best. I'm going to have to figure out how to work their attention spans so that they aren't all bored to tears during barn classes. We also have to do a little more work in preparing the horses for them, because they don't always groom and saddle in the mornings like the Middlers last week did--partly because they are just little kids, but also because they are pretty slow with getting stuff done. We also are getting another batch of SALTs, which will overlap a week with the seasoned SALTs that we have right now. My little sister (her camp name is Kashi, like the cereal) will be a SALT at the ranch, too. I'm excited to have her out there with me at the same time... but it will be interesting to see if she remembers to call me by my camp name (Ariat).
Mentally, ever since Wednesday I've been feeling pretty down. I'm not sure if it's just the weather (I am reasonably sure I have a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder and get depressed every time it gets cloudy) or moodiness about being around the other staff. For a long time when I was younger, I was a pretty shy, withdrawn kind of person and didn't try very hard to integrate myself with groups--so half the time when I SALTed at camp, I felt shut out of the group and not really included. Cry me a river, I know. Still... Camp was a second home to me, but feeling invisible a lot of the time didn't help my general self esteem. All that changed once I started school, where all of a sudden I really was part of a cohesive group of people who barely knew me, but shared my passions and wanted me to be with them. That was largely responsible for bringing me out of my shell, and according to my sister I'm now a much more bubbly person because of it.
But now I'm back at camp again, and the old insecurities are creeping back as I'm no longer in my music element and most people form little groups... without me. Yeah, some of that is just paranoia and probably not doing as much as I could to include myself. But it's nice to feel valued, which often I... don't, here. I mean, I do my job, pick up the slack for people, pitch in and help out when it's needed. But I'm not feeling the community like I think I should be. I'm just doing a job, and that's not what camp is all about. What's happening? Am I really just not that fun to be around? Hm.
Sorry to whinefest at you guys. I don't want pity, just some kind of reassurance that I'm not actually a terrible person. You know?
Mmmmkay. Enough publicly feeling sorry for myself. Time to go do some piano practice.
Or maybe art. or... some other kind of staying-up-past-my-bedtime-just-because-I-get-to-sleep-past-7-tomorrow activity.
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