Preliminary note: Still haven't heard anything from Fashion Fabrics Online, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that no news is good news. In the meantime, please enjoy the following musings.
I'm on a diet.
This isn't the first time I've attempted to lose weight, but I'm hoping it will be the most successful. I scouted around the web for a while before settling on a fairly easy-to-follow program: exercise 6 days a week, cut out all refined sugars, and make sure every meal contains a good source of fibrous carbohydrates (fruits and veggies), protein (lean meats and eggs), and healthy fats (raw nuts, extra virgin olive oil, eggs, avocados, butter). Complex carbohydrates, found in potatoes, beans, grains, etc (again, as un-processed as possible) are allowed if eaten within an hour after the workout session.
I started on Monday (I know--I'm always enthusiastic at the outset) and so far I've been out on daily walks with my brother. I'm working in some interval training: after a good walking warm-up, I'll trade off jogging and walking every minute for about 12-15 minutes. I'm pretty out of shape, so I'm starting with this and I'm hoping to work up the jogging intervals over the next few weeks. The gravel road that I live down is very hilly, which keeps things interesting and is pretty good on my glutes.
My motivation stems from a desire to do something with myself--I can only spend so many days vegging out and playing Xbox before I start to get stir-crazy--and a nostalgia for the body I had before starting college.
I have never been a slender, willowy person, but in my freshman year of college I was a comfortable size 12 and on a good day, I could squeeze in to a size 10. I was, I think, more or less content with my body. The "freshmen 15" were inevitable: dining hall buffets, campus cafes, and stress certainly didn't help my eating habits. Although I paid for access to the school gym every quarter, working up the energy to go was difficult. I either had to get up early and go before class (and I am most definitely not a morning person) or work in a time in the afternoon, which I usually spent doing homework or socializing. I probably went a handful of times in the last four years.
By the time I got out at the end of this summer, I was an admitted size 14 (even my comfy Gap size 12 jeans were a squeeze) with a belly that is serious business. Looking back on pictures of my senior recital, in the dress I thought was great, is somewhat horrifying. How did I get so fat?
I guess it's easy to deny because I can't face a mirror without sucking it in. In the right clothes, I can still define the dip of my waist. But when I let it all hang out, so to speak, the grim reality sets in. I definitely need to lose weight.
I want to feel comfortable and sexy in my own skin again. I don't have any excuses any more: I have time and money to pick out and prepare meals that are healthy. I have nothing to do but exercise. I no longer have to depend on hourly caffeine infusions to get by every day. The closest Starbucks (or any fast food, for that matter) is a 20-minute drive away. I have all these jeans and skirts that I want to wear again, no muffin tops allowed. And I'm already thinking of warmer weather, of recitals I'm planning to play in, of summer vacations where I can wear shorts and tank tops and swim suits without shame.
So I'm dieting. It's hard. It requires, as Mad-Eye Moody would say, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" I have to curb my cravings. I'm a serious snacker, and bread is one of my favorite things to eat in the whole world. No more bread. No more ice cream. Sometimes I think, "Just one scoop wouldn't hurt." And then I think, "Do you really want that ice cream more than you want to be skinny?" And the answer is no.
The nice thing is that the diet and the exercise depend on each other. If I want carbs, I have to earn them. So it motivates me to get out there and run for a while, because I know that when I get back, I can eat my baked potato and feel that I truly deserve it. It's like a reward.
The sugar is a little harder to kick, because I definitely have a sweet tooth, and sugar lurks in more things than you'd expect. Teriyaki sauce? Sugar. Lunch meats? Sugar. Dried nuts? Sugar. Stevia, a kind of herbal sweetener, is okay; but the Stevia-in-the-Raw that I have also includes dextrose, which is a form of--you guessed it--sugar. It's hard to get away from, but so far I'm doing alright. I'm drinking my morning coffee with just a splash of milk, no sugar, and I've been eating a ton of fruits and vegetables. Fortunately, fruits are A-okay.
But so far, it's working! The numbers on the scale are inching down every day. It's so gratifying to see some success. I suspect a lot of this is due to the no-sugar, few-carbs approach, but it feels good to get out and get my blood pumping again. At the very least, I'm starting to feel as though I'm accomplishing something, and that is as good a reward as any.
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